A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been really good friends with a guy for the past 15 years - we went to school together and he never hid the fact that he fancied me through our younger years. However, I never felt the same way, until I moved to college - we began socialising a lot more together and I realised that I was falling for him. However, nothing was ever said about it and we both had relationships with other people, although we always remained friends. After the break-up of one of my long-term relationships, about 5 years ago, I was an emotional mess. However, my friend was a pillar of support to me. After a drunken night, we kissed and it was fantastic. He told me that he had wanted me for so long. However, I knew I wasn't ready to jump into another serious relationship so quickly. My head was a mess and I became so clingy and moody, almost desperate - which inevitably drove my friend running in the other direction. He was so frustrated with my emotional rollercoasters that one night after a row he told me, very angrily, to "forget about us as it's never going to happen". A few years later I met another guy and we went out together for a while but that finished a while ago. I have kept in regular contact with my friend through the years, and my feelings have only been getting stronger for him. I've always hoped in the back of my mind that one day we would give it another go and be a success!Last night he came over to my house and we had a lot to drink. We spoke, for the first time, about those crazy months back in 2005 when I was a "bunny boiler". He told me he had been in love with me but he didn't like what he saw over that time that we were together. I apologised for my actions but explained why I was like that and told him if he gave me a second chance I would never hurt him again. He said no! He had gotten over me and didn't want to go back there again. He said he found me incredibly attractive but didn't want a relationship. In my drunkenness I came onto him and we ended up sleeping together and it was AMAZING. But this morning he said that he didn't think it would be such a good idea of getting into the habit of sleeping together because sooner or later we'd meet other people and it would be hard to get out of the routine.I'm so messed up about this. I really love him and I really want him but he has put up this barrier against me for fear of being hurt again. What should I do? If only I could turn back time!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): He's not scared of getting hurt he just doesn't want to keep sleeping with you because he knows that when he starts dating again things will get complicated.
It sounds like it was just a drunken, one night thing for him and he's realised that he doesn't want that to happen again. He's even told you that he has intentions of dating and getting a girlfriend.
I don't think he feels the same way you do and by sleeping with him it's going to hurt you more. I think you need to distance yourself from him a bit because it doesn't sound like he wants a relationship with you.
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